The Phrases from A Father That Rescued Me as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the reality soon proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a larger failure to communicate between men, who often absorb damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a display of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a respite - taking a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, physical activity and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."