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Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved many, largely enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership which continued for four years, however it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners again.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, often causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. At some point you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.